Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
