you have to choose: penises or morals?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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