we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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