You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just googled if crying burns calories
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
