i would punch a child for taco bell
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
