just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
