why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
