i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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