He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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