I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
