ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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