I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i came on her dog
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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