Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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