i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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