Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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