Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
