I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
