I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
