I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
