I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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