booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
