I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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