I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
