I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
