i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
