its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
