just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize