So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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