So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
