I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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