he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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