Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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