im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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