I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
