You can't motorboat a personality
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
