How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
