are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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