It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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