you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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