i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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