I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
