woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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