I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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