? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
