Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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