It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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