What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
