a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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