Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
