Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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