so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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