how can u be prego again
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
