even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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