New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
