I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
