It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
