She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
