The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize