Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
