there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
