That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
