i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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