I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
