you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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