I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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