Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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