when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
