Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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