I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
