I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
