Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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