PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
